Fear of Cowardice

In fear of being heard, 
In fear of being understood, 

In fear of not being heard, 
In fear of not being understood, 

In fear of being misheard, 
In fear of being misunderstood, 

In fear of hearing too much, 
In fear of understanding too much, 

In fear of saying too much, 
In fear of saying too little, 

In fear of being too enlightened, 
In fear of not being factually correct, 

In fear of being too bright, 
In fear of being too ignorant, 


In fear of being praised, 
In fear of being bullied, 

In fear of not being like others, 
In fear of loosing my individuality, 

In fear of being ostracized, 
In fear of being camouflaged, 

In fear of being the attraction, 
In fear of being ignored, 

In fear of being too different, 
In fear of being too common, 

In fear of following others, 
In fear of disobeying others, 

In fear of being too gullible, 
In fear of being too stubborn, 

In fear of being used, 
In fear of being misused, 

In fear of rewards, 
In fear of punishments, 

In fear of responsibility, 
In fear of expectations, 

In fear of being trusted, 
In fear of being mistrusted, 

In fear of your lack of response, 
In fear of your over-reaction, 

In fear of eternal silence, 
In fear of noisy communication, 

In fear of your acceptance, 
In fear of your rejection, 

In fear of exciting you, 
In fear of upsetting you, 

In fear of loving you, 
In fear of hating you, 

In fear of your love, 
In fear of your hatred, 

In fear of being loved, 
In fear of being hated, 

In fear of thinking, 
In fear of existing, 

In fear of living, 
In fear of dying, 

In fear of being myself, 
In fear of being another, 

In fear of knowing myself, 
In fear of neglecting myself, 

I lost my voice; 
I lost my identity; 

I lost my self.
I lost this life; 
I lost my life; 
I lost life's life.

By Suraj Samtani

     I use this poem as a look into the short story "On The Rainy River". In the story, the protagonist Tim O'Conner receives his draft card as he is chosen to go out to the Vietnam War. He is stunned, shocked, and afraid. He immediately thinks that he is better than the war and doesn't deserve to lose his life in a pointless war. He follows his impulse and decides the only way out of the war is to leave Minnesota and make it for Canada. Though he acts in this arrogant and cocky manner, you begin to realize throughout the story that what O'Conner really have is fear.
     Just like in the poem, there were many fears that raced through his head during the story. Of course you can say that he feared for his life, but there is much more than that. He feared the responsibility, he feared being used, he feared being unpatriotic, he feared ostracized, and dealt of all of this through stubbornness. In all, he knows might and could become of him if he does leave for Vietnam, but he fears the thought of he might be if he doesn't go. He'd be thought of as selfish, unpatriotic, and thinking he was better than the rest. In the end, he gives into the fear and becomes a coward, as he fears standing up for what he believed.

What do you feel that O'Conners feared about going/not going to war? Do you think it was more than fear/cowardice that caused his to change his mind?